I Will Survive.
"You are unwell. You are seeing the psychiatrist and counsellor." This statement hurt me, especially since it was made by someone who mattered to me. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD involves exposure to trauma related to death or the threat of death, serious injury, or sexual violence. It was stressful to deal with the emotional and physical effects of PTSD. Prior to the diagnosis, there were a few things that happened and it led me to a downward spiral emotionally. I fell into depression, had insomnia for days and lost interest in activities that I once found enjoyable. It was as if I was just going through the motions in life.
People perceived me as being crazy just because I was seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor. No, I am not sick. I just needed the help. Misconceptions like these are the reason why people do not seek help. The invisible labels that are tagged to people who seek help do not help us. It was not an easy decision for me to see a psychiatrist and speak to a counsellor. I was afraid of the labels. I was afraid of being looked at differently by others. The doctor asked me to take time away from work to focus on my recovery. That was something I had to mull over for a period of time, before eventually deciding on it.
The period of recovery was a challenging one. I had to visit the psychiatrist and the counsellor weekly. There were a lot of medications given. It was an emotional rollercoaster. There were days where I felt nothing can go wrong. I would be on a high, filled with positive optimism. There were also days where I would just want to give up. There were moments where I wanted to end the pain once and for all.
Sometimes, people think that I am looking for attention. No. The pain is real, and the emotional and mental pain can be overwhelming for me. I am blessed and thankful for the support that I had when I was down in the pits. I had my psychiatrist, counsellor, friends and family. I realised that it was in such moments where people who are true to you will be revealed. These are the people who will stand by you.
To those who are battling mental illness, be courageous and soldier on. Seek help because you are not alone. Remember that you matter. You are valuable. There's a rainbow after the downpour. Don't give up!
I got my life back, so can you.
I am a survivor, and I will survive.
True story contributed by Zai.
