It may be harder than you think
My name is Nadia* and I am 23 years old. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I knew something was wrong with me when I was 14 years old. Thoughts of worthlessness, uselessness and hopelessness, kept engulfing me into a pit of darkness. I didn’t want to stay alive anymore. I’d be the one with the broadest smile but little do the people around me know that I cry myself to sleep every night. I was all alone with nothing but the evil thoughts in my head. I was addicted to the misery and the pain that depression tortured me with. It was something I detest but I didn’t want to get out of it and that made me hate myself even more. Life was all gloom and I couldn’t see living beyond 18.
I see the public’s beady eyes staring at my arms. White, straight lines across my forearm which represented my battle with depression. Something so faint, has the ability to mark me as “crazy” and separate me from the norms of society.
“Maybe it’s because you’re not strong enough in your faith.”
That’s what people closest to me said.
It was not the way they treated me or the way they talked. It was the way they looked at me. I could sense their judgments and sympathy. I did not need their sympathy. I just needed them to understand that I am different. When I am happy, I feel like I am on cloud nine. However, when I am sad, the whole world feels like an enemy.
I could no longer handle how I was feeling. Everything was a chore. When I felt like life was no longer worth living, I attempted the unthinkable. I remember the time when I was prohibited to tell my relatives that I was a patient at the psychiatric ward. That was the moment when I realized that I was a defect.
The therapy I received from the hospital was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It taught me how to cope with my thoughts, feelings and self-harming issues. Most importantly, I am glad that my family and friends took the time to understand my condition. With their support and love, I no longer feel so alone in this world. I have decided that I will not allow my condition to control me. Recovery is possible although it may not always be a smooth journey.
Now that you have read my story, how would you see us differently?
*Name has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual. This photo does not belong to the individual stated in this story.
